Microfiction Revision: Hide and Seek

"Olivia!" 

I tremble when I hear his voice. I thought he would never find me. I changed my name, cut my hair and dyed it red, and moved far away. How did he find me? I'll never forget what he did to me, but I can run until I die. 

(50 Words)

AFTER REVISION

"Olivia!" 

I tremble hearing his voice. I thought he'd never find me. I changed my name, cut and dyed my hair, and moved away. How did he find me? I'll never forget what he did, but I can run away until I die. I will never let him catch me.

(50 words)


"Olivia!" 

Oh no. He found me. 

(6 words)

AFTER REVISION

"Olivia!"

He found me. I'm terrified.

(6 words)

woods, forest, pond, ominous, scary, spooky, dark, water, sky, leaves, railroad, track, transport, atmospheric phenomenon, thoroughfare, morning, mode of transport, tree, line, railway, road, parallel, road surface, branch, landscape, vehicle, nonbuilding structure, fog
(Source: pxhere)

Author's note: For this microfiction, I wanted to do more of a horror story. I decided to write the same story in two different lengths. I think that they both convey the same sense of terror, but one is just a larger glimpse into the reason behind the terror. I wrote these from my own imagination, and they honestly make me want to write a longer version. For the revision, I took away some words in the first story, and was able to add the final sentence. For the second story, I changed the last five words to convey the same feeling in a slightly different way.

Comments

  1. Hunter MorrisDecember 10, 2020 at 6:14 PM

    Hey Natalie, I enjoy horror/thriller suspense pieces so I had a great time reading your microfictions. I can understand what you meant in your author's note about wanting to continue writing the story. I write short stories in my free time and always find that when I'm done, I don't feel done. LOVED the name Hide and Seek for this set of stories. It perfectly juxtaposes the horror and suspense the reader feels with a child-like game that could be connected to the situation. Great work, hope your exams go well!

    ReplyDelete

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